Parents - Родители

As a teacher, have you ever met the parents of a misbehaving student, and suddenly realized why the student behaves that way?

  • “Yep! When I worked daycare, there was a little boy who was worryingly sexual with the other children. He was about five, and he would kiss pictures of the Disney princesses and call them “sexy babies”, he would get into the little girl’s cots during naptime and sometimes lie on top of them, he would slap boys, girls, and teachers on the buttocks, he would grab his penis randomly, and finally was asked to leave after doing the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” in the bathroom with another child.I was worried this poor kid was being sexually abused, which is usually the case with inappropriately sexual children, until I saw his parents. His father was one of those super-macho, hyper-sexual types that makes Gomez Addams look like a eunuch, and his mother was a fairly average woman who was obviously flattered by her husband’s constant sexual attention. Every few moments, the father was caressing his wife’s butt or groping her breasts or making a sexual comment, while she smiled and fluttered and giggled. And this was their behavior in a parent-teacher conference. The father not only didn’t see anything wrong with his son acting sexual, he encouraged it, as he said he wanted his son to be “manly” and to “get lots of chicks”. The mother seemed concerned until her husband started talking, and then she just simpered in adoration. I’m pretty sure if her husband had suggested a threesome with the director on the desk, she would have enthusiastically agreed.It was really sad. I have no idea what became of the kid, but seeing as he’s about 9 or 10 now, I can only imagine he’s gotten worse.”

 

  • “I suspect most teachers have this moment – the ‘ooooohhh, yeah, I GET it now’. Most of the time it’s the aggressive kid, the rude one, the ‘noticeable’ one. In my case, it was the opposite. I had a young lady who was a serious ‘overachiever’ – straight high A grades, team player, worked her tail off. Atypically, she was VERY quiet; it’s not that most overachievers are braggarts, but this kid was basically silent except when she was doing a presentation or group work, and even then, didn’t exactly overwhelm the group. Then, most of the way through the term, I got back to my office after a class and there was a lady waiting outside the door to the office hallway. Power suit, skyscraper heels, briefcase that probably cost more than my used car. I didn’t even get through the door before she was on me – “Are you my daughter’s professor? Do you have any idea how much work she’s doing for other students? Who do you think you are?” I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. This lady basically ran her mouth at me at full volume and speed for about seven minutes. It was actually funny, because every other office door on our little hallway opened up and I could see my colleagues sticking their heads out to see what was going to happen. Once I figured out WHO’s mother she was, everything made sense – no wonder the student was so quiet! I doubt she got a word in edgewise at all! Mom basically was incapable of listening to anything, so kid just clammed up.”

  • “I taught an 8th grade boy once whose attitude toward women would not have been out of place in the 1800s. In classes taught by men, he was unremarkable—followed the rules, got average grades, etc. In classes taught by women, he refused to follow even the most basic rules, like sitting in his assigned seat. He wouldn’t even address his female teachers as “Ms. [Last Name].” He called all his female teachers “Woman,” as in, “Woman, shut up talking to me.” Yes, that’s actually something a 13-year-old boy said to me in 2018 because I told him to please sit down. Needless to say, I called home frequently about this behavior, as did his other female teachers; his mother always answered the phone and was very apologetic about his behavior. Then he went and got suspended for insubordination. He was walking down the hallway with his sweatshirt’s hood up, which was against school policy, and the (female) vice principal told him to put his hood down. He glared at her and said, “I don’t take orders from bitches.” Shortly after that incident, it was time for 1st quarter parent/teacher conferences. We were all looking forward to meeting his parents in person and talking about his issues with disrespecting female teachers and administrators. Both his parents attended the conference. The father talked about the suspension and how he’d had a good conversation with his son about it. He finished speaking, and his wife spoke up to add that they were considering taking him to anger management counseling. Suddenly the father SLAMMED his hand down on the table and shouted at her, “Woman, don’t interrupt me!” Suddenly his son’s behavior toward women made a lot more sense.”

 

  • “Oh yes. I used to have a student, we shall named Sophie. Not her real name, nowhere close. Sophie was, on her nice days, a self entitled brat. She believed that she was doing us a favour in being in our classrooms and because of that, she could sit, say and do whatever she wanted. Challenge her and tables would be flipped, chairs thrown and a whole tantrum ensued. Eventually we managed to talk her Mother into coming into school for a chat. Mum arrived, and introduced herself only to the behaviour manager (a man wearing what appeared to be a very expensive suit. It wasn’t, he’d been telling us that morning how please he was with his bargain of a lifetime suit from Tesco) and ignored myself and our head teacher(also a woman). She sat and gushed over him for 10 minutes before he managed to get us onto the subject we were there for. Her response? ‘Well she is a far higher calibre student than you are used to, what do you expect when she has to put up with all of this’ -gestures towards myself and the head. I can’t remember much more of the meeting other than mum screeching her way through the school and slamming doors as well as banging on our locked internal doors to have them opened for her. It made a lot more sense. I’ve also had the couldn’t care less students, plenty of them, who can’t be bothered because they’ve been coached into the fact they don’t need jobs to survive by their parents and the benefits state.”

 

  • “Yep. After years of teaching, I never judge a naughty kid anymore. Every parent teacher meeting, every parents’ evening, every casual meeting after school or out in the world – its always the parents that give you the sudden revelation of why the kid is the way they are. Why are you such a rude kid? Oh, his mum’s a total bitch to him because she wanted a daughter and she got you. Why do you act so stupid when you’re not? Oh, your mum values beauty over brains. She hates you’re not classically pretty to show off to her friends. Why do you treat the girls like rubbish? Oh, your dad’s a misogynistic asshole. He’s even treating your mum like shit right in front of me. Me too now. Why are you getting into so many fights? Oh, your mum died a few months ago and your dad’s moved his slut into your house already. Why haven’t you been doing your homework? Oh, your dad thinks school is stupid and make you work in the evenings at his shop. Why are you bullying other students? Oh, because your parents didn’t want you and treat you like shit so you treat others the same way. Why are you so determined to be the best that you lash out at anyone doing well too? Oh, you’re not the favourite. She is. She’s gets everything you get the ridicule. The list goes on and on. It’s just sad. Parents have such influence over kids, it really does mess them up if parents aren’t careful. Hopefully, then they go to school and realise parents are not perfect and realise sometimes, they aren’t always right either. That’s how you can turn some of them around before adulthood. Some.”

Statements of teachers

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